I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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