I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
