I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
