I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
