thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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