I think I won the penis lottery.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
