awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
