he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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