Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
