I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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