I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
