I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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