My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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