God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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