wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
