i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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