You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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