Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
