Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
