dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
