One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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