I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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