There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
