Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
