Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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