He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize