There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
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If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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