He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
