Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
