Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
