no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
