The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
