she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
