I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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