I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize