What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
