I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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