The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
