If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
