I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
