also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
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Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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