a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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