If i come over, it means nothing
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
