Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
