I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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