I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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