I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
