Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
