It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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