Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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