I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
her facebook's as public as her vagina
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
