Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
