Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
