Your face is a jimmy john
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
