why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
