i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
