make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As shirtless as possible
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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