Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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