Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I forget how to act sober
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