i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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