I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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