we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
