Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
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Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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