I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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