New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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