What did we do last night that was yellow?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
