I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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