even my farts smell like vagina
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
