I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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