I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i drank out of a bidet.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
