i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
