a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
