I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
