If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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