My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
