when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
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Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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