So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
