i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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