Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
