last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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